Monday, August 30, 2010

School, News, and Nostalgia

I found out some startling news today: My cousin is a lot better about informing the world of news related to me than I am. 

"How," you ask, "can a pregnant woman tell so many people info about you? I mean she's pregnant so aren't people asking about her?" 

Oh, you silly and rather naive reader, you forget that Jessica has super human powers and can turn any question about her into a way to spread the news.


Person: Jess, how's the baby?

Jess: Not as good as the one Emily is about to have.

*awkward pause*

Person: Emily's....pregnant?!?

Jess: No, but's she's seriously dating a guy and might be engaged soon and have a kid soon after.

Person: (completely forgetting about their original thought) who's she dating?

and then Jess is free to tell them all about my dating life. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset or anything, I just get confused when people then come up to me and ask how's the boyfriend and I start to wonder exactly how they know about that because I did not say anything to them. 


Person: Emily!!! So how's the boyfriend?

Me: how did you know? (sometimes I think they can just sense it, then they say this:)

Person: Jess told me, so are things going good? do you miss him? 

Me: yes and yes.

Person: tell me all.

and then I feel very weird as I tell them a story they already know...sort of. I mean Jess knows a lot so she's able to tell a lot of the story. Because this is the first day of school, I have had this conversation a lot, along with making it to all of my classes and actually feeling like I fit in, fairly well. It's a nice change from feeling like a fool trying to find her classes. 

I found that the only thing I am missing from my classes is the yin to my yang in class. Her name is Lia Cutler, and she and I mainly have all of our classes together but this is the first semester that she is not in school with me. She is going on a mission, so it's not like she isn't doing anything but I definitely miss her in class. I had to laugh at myself when funny things happened. It felt odd. Hopefully, this feeling will go away.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Grass, Water, Jelly and other things that get on my shirt.

Today I woke up early (comparative to the normal time I wake up) and got a lot of things accomplished. By about 11:30 am. I had my to-do list done which is both a good thing and a depressing thing. Good: I was done with my to-do list. Depressing: if I got up earlier I would always have more things done at the end of the day. Either way, I was able to go and hang out with a friend I haven't seen all summer.

Seriously, the one thing about school I just love is reconnecting with the people that went home for the summer. It was great to be able to just catch up. Then I went to campus and decided because it was warm outside and I was sweating (attractively, of course) when I decided to cut through the shade of the cemetery. 

The cemetery is really pretty and not at all creepy. It also has these nice paths through it so you aren't skipping over people's graves which would be inappropriate at best. I saw a few sprinklers going but I did not think that would be a problem.

It was a problem. The next ten minutes from when I entered the cemetery to when I got out were spent playing a real-life version of frogger in which I timed by passes by running and stopping and running into people's headstones and ducking behind trees to avoid getting wet. Now, I'm sure you are wondering what the problem was, let me explain, I was wearing tennis shoes; if you get your tennis shoes you walk around with squeaky, stinky, wet feet. That was not happening if I had anything to do with it, so of course I sacrificed my ego, once again (at this point I am amazed I have any ego left) and decided that non-squeaky shoes were the best bet. 

I honestly am excited for school to start. 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Relationship = Girl + Boy, right?

Firstly, I have a boyfriend. The guy mention in an earlier post, yeah him. He's my boyfriend. Eventually, I did what I said I would. I took advantage of an opportunity and then declared my like. It kind of went down like this:

Disclaimer: I sound stupid in this situation so be forewarned. 

Him: Well, tonight was fun... *gives me a hug*

Me: *grins like an idiot* yeah. (said with barely contained enthusiasm)

Him: so you're going to be back on Sunday? 

Me: *still grinning stupidly* yeah. (said with barely contained enthusiasm)

Him: ok, talk to you then.

Me: *surprisingly my cheeks haven't given out, as I continue to grin* yeah. (said with barely contained enthusiasm) 

*I turn to leave but turn back around*

Me: Just fyi: I kind of like you. *I start to walk away really fast, like suddenly my pants caught on fire*

Him: I kind of figured. *he leaves*

Me: *starting to grin like a fool again* yeah. (said with barely contained enthusiasm).

End Scene. 

Yeah, not exactly my finest moment, but whatever we are in fact dating, so it ended well. Anyway, I guess I forgot that as much as you think a relationship is just about the two of you: you know girl + boy = relationship. I forgot the family rule which states:

(girl + family) + (boy - age)                 = relationship + family
 family's reaction to relationship

Because I forgot this equation, I failed to remember how many people start to care about you having a relationship, and then in turn you feel like they have to meet the S. O. (significant other) so you can put their rumors to rest. So, I decided this weekend was a good time.

There are only a few things  wrong with this idea.

1. He is meeting my family.
2. #1 takes care of pretty much everything.

I really should explain. I love my family. They are wonderful people who want the best for me, but when I am introducing someone new to them, they have one of two reactions:

1. Immediately begin to give the new person a hard time, and start teasing me incessantly as if they have never seen such a great opportunity to give me a hard time.


2. Start finding things wrong with him/our relationship. And then demand that I break-up/never force them to meet him.

Because I am not living in the same state as my parents, they are generally the last ones to meet the new boy, but they have the most information, as the aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, all dole out their opinion. My aunts, uncles, older cousins, and grandparents generally falls into the 1st category, when they meet someone new. Luckily, I found a guy who could withstand their teasing and they liked him for being able to take a joke.

Unfortunately, my immediate family and my younger cousins generally fall into the 2nd category. My younger sister has told me on many occasions that she is going to hate everyone I date and the guy I eventually marry. So she isn't going to be convinced that I am doing the right thing because he is in fact a good guy, oh well. My younger cousins just think I'm crazy to date people, because in their logic when you get married/start dating you become boring.

At least he met my dad, who whenever someone meets him, raises the question: how is he related to you? I'm not even kidding, if he didn't look so much like me, people would honestly wonder if I was adopted because my father is super chill about stuff, and I tend to be more dramatic.

All in all, it was sort of normal family stuff.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Slip n' Tumble n' Fall n' Slide in a heap to the bottom

I have decided that Slip n' Slide are ridiculously badly named. I mean, how often do you just slip and then slide down the wet plastic sheet of death?

For me, a Slip n' Slide is more a demonstration of my lack of coordination and ability to bruise my entire body in one fall. Why did I go down a Slip n' Slide? Wouldn't I just avoid the death trap? Au contraire, mes amies, that would be too easy.

This all started when I went to my cousin's reception in Ogden.
My cousin got married last week in Nauvoo, Illinois and went on his honeymoon right after. Seeing as most of his family and her family were here in Utah, they decided to have a reception of sorts celebrating their marriage. Because I am from a large family, receptions are usually synonymous with stress, back aches, and leftovers that will feed us until the apocalypse, but this one was different. Following tradition, the bride's family puts on the reception, so all we (the groom's family) had to do was show up and look presentable. This was easy enough and the invitation said they would be playing volleyball, so I brought some shorts I could change into to play.

NOTE: there was nothing about a Slip n' Slide in said invitation.

The reception started out pretty normally, a lot of standing around and catching up with various relatives, all of which joked about how I was going to be married next, (sidebar: seriously relatives? Do you not realize that I have an older sister who has to be married before me? please...) and in general just goofing around.
Tracy and Lincoln decided to have their "line" over my the food. So as Tracy (in her wedding dress) and Lincoln were flipping burgers to give to people, they were able to be congratulated for their marriage. I enjoyed talking to them while putting relish on my bun. It worked out nicely for me. The girl cousins who were there did our usual and sang "No life without wife" to Tracy accompained by some silly hip twists and booty shaking. (Additional sidebar: this is a tradition started at the first wedding, Lance and Julie, because of the Bollywood movie: Bride and Prejudice which is the Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice, check it out).
Tracy had the most confused face on, while Lincoln looked embarrassed. A win, in my book of course.

The reception started getting weird about the time, Tracy played volleyball (in her wedding dress). I had changed to play volleyball, forgetting the cardinal rule of all ball sports: If it is round, it will hit Emily in the face.  So I suffered from some great face shots before giving up. Then they pulled out a Slip n' Slide.

This wasn't some little kids thing. This was a monster of epic proportions, and it was challenging me to a duel, winner takes all (my pride). I really didn't think I was going to go on, but then Tracy did it in her wedding dress which was the last straw for my feeble pride. I ran, I slipped, I fell, I bruised, and slid into the grass at the bottom.
Did you know there are such things called grass burns? I did not until I felt them on my face. Currently, my face looks like a fight between a cat and dog was boxed out on my face. I also knocked down a tiki torch and got a paper cut on my upper lip. (not quite sure how the last one happened.

Ok Family it's time to place your bets.

Ok. I'm not going to lie. I can be loud. I can be extremely hyper and super outgoing and totally not care about what people think about me.

But sometimes. I can be shy. Painfully shy. As in I want to curl up into a little ball and make all the people go away. I tried asking a boy I liked out. It sort of went like this:

Me: "Want to go see Toy Story 3 with me like on a date?"

I know you're probably thinking, well that sounds ok, awkward but not horrible. It would have maybe worked out, had he not also started speaking at the same time.

Him: "We could watch Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus!"

This made the conversation stall as he had heard nothing of what I said, (I will admit, I mumbled...sort of like a creepy person.) and all I got was that he enjoyed the movie Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus, by the way he was holding it up with a super happy face on.

So I did what any fearless, young female does in a situation like this: I chickened out.

Me: "We've all seen that movie, why would we want to watch it again?"

At this time my friend Melanie (McFelony) came back from the bathroom and pretty much eliminated any courage I had left. Instead I melted into an embarrassed puddle of shyness, and did not mention said date again. Instead I brought up Toy Story 3, and just asked him to come with me giving the impression that Melanie (still McFelony) would be coming....ahh, what lovely times my shyness to appear. Why can't my crippling shyness overcome me before I say something silly or stupid, or before I crash down steps or something.

I'm thinking my shyness should be used for good and in a way that will make me a better person. Instead, it cripples me when I should just say, "HEY BUDDY. I LIKE YOU. WE HANG OUT WAY TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO NOT LIKE ME TOO. SO LET'S GO ON A DATE." Unfortunately, any attempts I have made to say something similar come out like this.


Him: What?


So instead I am stuck doing awesome things like convincing my friend Melanie (you guessed it, McFelony) to bring her family (who came up specifically to visit her) to Toy Story 3 so it's me, Melanie, Melanie's family and him. What a great date! I use her as a sort of human shield from courage and having guts.

I think my next plan with him, might feature a shouted (mumbled) declaration of like (sort of like love) as in when I leave for the night after hanging out a conversation might go like this:

Me: This was fun.

Him: Yeah

*high five*

Me: *turning to leave* oh fyi: I like you. Goodnight.

*the door shuts so hard and fast, he is knocked to the ground and wakes up with no memory of the incident.*

So yep. I'm just using that same fearless-ness that has gotten me every boyfriend I have ever had. Strangely enough, I have never been this scared to say something about my feelings. It's slightly bizarre. (note: bizarre has only one z, thank you spell check). Anyway, I feel this is an appropriate time for people to start placing bets on how, when and what I'm going to say...if I say anything at all.
Personally, I feel the plan where I suddenly fall ill for three weeks after admitting I like him is the most feasible.     Does embarrassment-itis count as a real disease? How about ego-bruising?